blonde jokes.

[HorseDayz11]

I am blonde and I am not offended. They are funny. Try to make up horse ones. Put all yours here. This will be fun! :].

So there was this blonde who bought two horses. She could not tell the horses apart, so she went to visit her neighbor.
"I need help. I can't tell my horses apart. Any ideas?" the blonde said.
"Yes. Cut one of the horse's tail shorter than the other." he replied.
So then she went to see her horses. She cut one tail shorter. Then the other horse's tail got caught in the fence and was torn to the same length. When she went back to visit her nieghbor he said...
"Nitche one of your horse's ears."
She did as said and then the other horse reared and his ear got notched from the tree. When she went back he said...
"Measure the horses."
She did as so and she found out the black horse was 2 inches taller than the white horse.

This was so funny. :) :D

[Max]

There is a blonde and a brunette. They share their ranch and have lots of female cows. One day, they decide to get a male for breeding to their female cows. So the brunette went down to texas with her life savings of $200 to buy a male cow. She searched up and down and all around and finally found a man that would sell her a cow for $199. Very excited, she bought the cow right away. She then went to the telegram office to send the blonde a telegram to tell her to bring the trailer so they could take the cow back home. She says "Sir, i need a telegram" "What will it say mam?" "I found a male cow. Bring the trailer." "Ok mam, that will be $7. One dollar a word" The brunette only had one dollar left so she said "Oh, sorry. I need to change the telegram." "Ok what does it need to say" "Comfortable." "Umm mam, it's none of my businessm but i don't think she will understand that, you know that right?" "Well, you see, my friend is a blonde and she reads REALLY slow. When she gets the telegram, she will read it like this: COM-FOR-DA-BULL!"

[Manda]

I don't know any horsey blonde jokes, but I do know one.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all in the desert. Each of them brought one item with them. The brunette had a bit of food, the redhead had a bottle of water, and the blonde brought a car door. They were talking and the brunette suddenly asks the redhead why she brought water. She replies:

"So when I'm thirsty, I can have a drink."

The redhead then asks the brunette why she brought food. The brunette replies:

"So when I'm hungry, I can eat."

The brunette and redhead then ask the blonde why she brought a car door. She replies:

"So when I get hot, I can roll the window down."

XD

[HorseDayz11]

rahhaha. thats funny manda. both of them are. wow.

[12234]

Those are all hilariouse. I dont have any jokes though. :cool:

[Max]

that's funny?

[StarGirl]

It;s a girl thing, Max, it's hilarious to us.lol.

[Max]

I'm sorry I had to edit my last post I was thinking about something else at the time what I ment was it was funny lol sorry

[StarGirl]

It's fine.lol. I was just thinking "how can Max think that's not funny, that was pretty hysterical, even to me..." hehe That explains it.

[HorseDayz11]

Lol. We need more. Come on yall. :)

[DixieGirl]

There is a blonde and a brunette. They share their ranch and have lots of female cows. One day, they decide to get a male for breeding to their female cows. So the brunette went down to texas with her life savings of $200 to buy a male cow. She searched up and down and all around and finally found a man that would sell her a cow for $199. Very excited, she bought the cow right away. She then went to the telegram office to send the blonde a telegram to tell her to bring the trailer so they could take the cow back home. She says "Sir, i need a telegram" "What will it say mam?" "I found a male cow. Bring the trailer." "Ok mam, that will be $7. One dollar a word" The brunette only had one dollar left so she said "Oh, sorry. I need to change the telegram." "Ok what does it need to say" "Comfortable." "Umm mam, it's none of my businessm but i don't think she will understand that, you know that right?" "Well, you see, my friend is a blonde and she reads REALLY slow. When she gets the telegram, she will read it like this: COM-FOR-DA-BULL!"


You joke was really funny. I liked yours. :)

[crazy4horses]

I'm a blond and I still didn't get it!! ( Man I must be really clueless!)

[crazy4horses]

Ohhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Now I get it!!

[alliekk]

there were three homeless girls, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. a storm started rumbling in so they decided to take cover in an old farmers barn. of course the blonde makes a bunch of noise and the farmer goes out to see what's going on... all three girls jump into potato sacks.

the farmer looks all over and doesn't find anything so he kicks the sack with the brunette in it and she says "MEOW"... "argh, it's just the darn cat" he says

he kicks the sack with the redhead and she says "WOOF"... "damn dog" the farmer mutters to himself.

he then kicks the sack with the blonde and she shouts "POTATO!!!" :D :D :D

[Ruby Rider]

nice aliekkk ... thats great!!!! POTATO!!!!! ok this isn't a jok alright
this is a real life story...

Blonde moment for a brunette
by Ruby Rider
PLEASE NOTE: I AM BRUNETTE!!!!!!

one day i was going to the beach with my friend ana and we were riding in her parents car and we passes the tacoma dome. Then when we were where all the tall buildings were i ( blondely) said " wheres the space needle?" and i was looking out the window and everything.. and then everyone in the car started laughing and so i am like "what?" ana then told me" we are in Tacoma. the space needle is in seatle!!!!" :D :p

[HorseDayz11]

Uhh.. I don't get the Potato? Or is it she says potato, because that is the sack, while the smart ones do animal sounds.

[Ruby Rider]

she says potato when she i in a patato sack and patatos don't make noises!!!!!

[alliekk]

I take it you guys liked my joke??? haha, I thought it was cute... how bout this one???
there were three ladies walking out in the desert, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. they see a city far off in the distance and they hurry their speed. then they come to a gigantic canyon with no way to get around or thru it. the brunette pulls out a bottle and said her grandmother had given it to her before she passed away, saying that it was a genie in a bottle. she rubs the side and out come the genie. he says they each get one wish.

the brunette thinks a bit and says "I wish to be turned into a bird so I can fly across this canyon!" and POOF! she was a bird.

the red head thinks a little harder and says "well, I don't want to be a bird for the rest of my life like her so I wish for a magic carpet to get across the canyon" and POOF! she had a magic carpet.

the blonde stands there thinking as hard as she could. she thought and she thought and she thought. she then stomps her foot and says "DARNIT! I JUST CANT THINK OF ANYTHING, I WISH THE OTHERS WERE HERE TO GIVE ME IDEAS!!!" and POOF!!! :D :D :D

[Max]

I like that one Ok I have a real life moment

My brother and his friend and his friends sister went driveing one time and they were thinking of what to do so my brothers friends sister(I don't know her name give me a break)says "hey lets go somewhere we don't know about"

[HorseDayz11]

Rahahahhhaha. Both of those are funny. Hmm. I will think of another soon. :]

[caitie94]

I like that one Ok I have a real life moment

My brother and his friend and his friends sister went driveing one time and they were thinking of what to do so my brothers friends sister(I don't know her name give me a break)says "hey lets go somewhere we don't know about"


MY LAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D thats halariously retarded.

[Ruby Rider]

i don't get max's joke but alliskk's joke is funny...ok her is gose
theres this blone she gose into a store ... she points behind the casheir and says" i want that toaster" the casheir says "no "and so the blonde gets mad and gos home ... the next day she gos back into the store but with a redhead wig on and says " I want that toaster" the casheir says "no" so the blonde gets mad and goes home. the next day she goes into the store with a brunette wig on and says "i want that toaster!!!" the casheir says "no" so then the blonde takes off that wig and says " how do you know that it is me?" the casheir looks at her and smiles and then says " because it isnt a toaster it is a t.v.!!!"

[caitie94]

once ther was a german, mexican and a blonde whose jobs were to fix roofs.
one morning, while havinf lunch on a roof on a 3 story house, the german opens his lunch and says ' ah!!! if i have porridge one more day, i'm going to jump off the roof and kill myself!!"
the mexican opens his lunch and says 'UGH! if i have tortilla''s one more day, i'm going to jump off and kill myself!"
the blonde opens his lunch and says "darn it!! if i have tuna sandwhiches one more day i'mgoing to jump off and kill myself!""
The Next Day, the German opens his lunch:its porridge, he jumps off and dies.
THE Mexican opens his lunch:its tortill's, he jumps off and splatters as well.
The Blonde opens his lunch: its tuna sandwhiches, hejumps off and dies.

At the funeral everybody is very sad. The German's wife says:"if only i knew he didnt like porridge, i couldhave made somethings 'else and saved his life!" then starts crying.

The mexican's wife says" If only i knew he didint like tortilla's! he should have told me!" and starts bawling.

The blonde's wife says:" Don't blame me,he fixed his own lunch."



HAHAHa.........corny i know...but its funny. :D

[HorseDayz11]

Rahahahahahahhhhahah. That is hilarious Ruby. :]

Okay I have one.
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding..
unassisted without prior experience or lessons.

She mounts the horse with great effort..
and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace..
but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane..
but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck..
but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip..
she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves
as her head is struck against the ground again and again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager,
runs out to shut the horse off.

[caitie94]

theres this blone she gose into a store ... she points behind the casheir and says" i want that toaster" the casheir says "no "and so the blonde gets mad and gos home ... the next day she gos back into the store but with a redhead wig on and says " I want that toaster" the casheir says "no" so the blonde gets mad and goes home. the next day she goes into the store with a brunette wig on and says "i want that toaster!!!" the casheir says "no" so then the blonde takes off that wig and says " how do you know that it is me?" the casheir looks at her and smiles and then says " because it isnt a toaster it is a t.v.!!!"


He says "No, i dont sell to blonde's."
but its still funny! :)

[caitie94]

There is a blonde and a brunette. They share their ranch and have lots of female cows. One day, they decide to get a male for breeding to their female cows. So the brunette went down to texas with her life savings of $200 to buy a male cow. She searched up and down and all around and finally found a man that would sell her a cow for $199. Very excited, she bought the cow right away. She then went to the telegram office to send the blonde a telegram to tell her to bring the trailer so they could take the cow back home. She says "Sir, i need a telegram" "What will it say mam?" "I found a male cow. Bring the trailer." "Ok mam, that will be $7. One dollar a word" The brunette only had one dollar left so she said "Oh, sorry. I need to change the telegram." "Ok what does it need to say" "Comfortable." "Umm mam, it's none of my businessm but i don't think she will understand that, you know that right?" "Well, you see, my friend is a blonde and she reads REALLY slow. When she gets the telegram, she will read it like this: COM-FOR-DA-BULL!"


UH.....MAX....its BULL not "male cow"...hehehe..

[HorseDayz11]

I came up with another. It is hilarious. :)

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

[Ruby Rider]

He says "No, i dont sell to blonde's."
but its still funny! :)

well i was told the joke that ws but oh well...

[StarGirl]

I came up with another. It is hilarious. :)

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.


I've heard that one its hilarious...hehe

[caitie94]

I came up with another. It is hilarious. :)

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.


THIS IS A GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!

[caitie94]

*+no one likes my joke? i didnt think it was that bad! :D

[HorseDayz11]

Rahhahaha. Thanks guys. :rolleyes:
catie - I likey yours. :]

[saddleseatsweetie]

ive heard all these before and when i was told the toaster one it was a microwave instead beacause they look more like tv and it was i dont sell to blondes but i have heard all these before

[caitie94]

ive heard all these before and when i was told the toaster one it was a microwave instead beacause they look more like tv and it was i dont sell to blondes but i have heard all these before

Well, Saddleseat Sweetie,since you've heard all of these before, then enlighten us with new jokes. we'll be most enjoyed.. :cool:

[HorseDayz11]

Well, Saddleseat Sweetie,since you've heard all of these before, then enlighten us with new jokes. we'll be most enjoyed.. :cool:

yeahhh. thats right. :]

[~Amanda~]

how do you confuse a blonde?

put her in a round room and tell her to go sit in the corner

[caitie94]

how do you confuse a blonde?

put her in a round room and tell her to go sit in the corner


hahahaha...thats cool.. but it would confuse me too!!
(ugh..i'm 1/2 blonde....forgot.. :) )

[~Amanda~]

hahahaha...thats cool.. but it would confuse me too!!
(ugh..i'm 1/2 blonde....forgot.. :) )

ya i guess if someone told me that i would get a very stupid look on my face.. you know.. not even the deer in the headlights look.. i'd get the look when a horse gets to the top af a hill ... like they expected something else lol anyone know what look i'm talking about?

and i'm not even blonde....although... sometimes my friends wonder

[alliekk]

how do you keep a blonde in suspense???



I'll tell you next week

[alliekk]

two muffins were sitting in an oven:

muffin #1 says, "Whew, it's hot in here!!!"

muffin #2 says, "OMG! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!"

[HorseDayz11]

Hahhaa alliekk. Those were funny. The first one confused me, but I got it. Haha. 100 percent blonde here.

[RODEOBABE4]

im blonde and i dont have any jokes but all of yalls are funny!