Ahhh!! I need some advice!

[moniexponie]

Ok, so, I need some advice - well, it isn't really for ME, but I would like some input on this matter anyways.

So, at my barn I ride with a girl [who will remain nameless ... actually, she shall be Bob for the matter of things. And the pony will be Fred.] who just bought her pony in September. Bob came from an overcrowded barn that ran over the important details of riding. Therefore, she has some really bad habits. So anyways, Bob moves to the barn I am currently riding at, and buys Fred.

The thing is, Fred is a very sensitive pony. She needs contact to the base of the fence and lots of leg [yes, every other horse needs this. But this horse is SUPER dependant on its rider]. Bob will ride the pony to the fence and then drop her on her face. Bob rides extremly twisted and throws her body a lot and makes big moves with her hands as well.

Fred is an extrememly athletic pony and very honest when riden correctly. Because she is being dropped at every fence, Fred has started stopping. Bob has taken two NASTY falls since then. One she broke her arm, and the other one was just this past weekend at our show. Both Fred AND Bob fell. [Don't ask me to explain it, it will just make this post twice as long.]

My trainer knows, I know, EVERYONE knows it isn't the pony's fault. It is VERY much the rider. She goes very well with every one else. The thing is that Bob has a very defensive mother and she refuses to see this. They are thinking of selling Fred. Bob will not be jumping or showing Fred every again, that is for sure.

I personally think it would be a mistake. I understand that they may not be the perfect match and all that, but if Bob gets another horse, it will start stopping too, unless she gets herself a 20yr old QH and does Xrails. :S

This wouldn't be so hard if Bob LISTENED to our trainer. But she has way too much pride and just seems to think that she doesn't need help, when she most certainly does.

I personally think she isn't really cut out for this. What do you guys think? I just want some oulooks on this situation, as I feel horrible about it. I would like to know what you guys think she should do and then maybe I can talk her out of selling poor Fred....

[iluvcreek4vr]

She should seriously be listening to a trainer...she could get hurt alot more if she doesnt...and one thing you should tell her is if she gets a trainer for both her and her pony it will help them become better partners...does she only ride the pony and never just hang out with them cuz that might be one of the issues affecting their progress and relationship.

[cursivenight]

It's hard talking sense into people who are full of pride.

As they say, pride cometh before a fall. She's already fallen twice - bad falls. Hopefully you can wake her up, or maybe she'll wake up herself or something, before something completely disasterous happens - an even worse fall.

Is there any chance of the trainer talking to her about not showing, or seriously just getting all Kip on her and yell at her until she listens? Or talk to her parents about it?

If you wanna bring it up with her...It could go either way. She might either respect your position and opinions, or she could take offense. So I'm not sure. If you do approach the subject, be...discretional...or whatever the word is. Kind of bring the topic about as if its her idea. So talk about her and her horse/pony and just mention the fact...and be completely back offish about it.

Other than that....It kind of reminds me of Sarah...you know how she never listened to Kip, and look how she's doing...

If it gets bad...Since you have a good relationship with your trainer, you might want to talk to her about it...but make sure you stress the fact you only care about her safety.

Hopefully this will stop before she gets hurt....Or her pony does...

[StarGirl]

What I would like to know is why did she buy the horse in the first place if she can't handle him..... :cool:


Also, does she take lessons? Sounds like lessons are needed....majorly... :rolleyes:

[Max]

I think she needs less pride and more research on how to ride before she shows(time in the saddle always helps to :) ).As for what to tell her it's not my place.

[mhoney05]

most likely if you talk to her about her riding skills or about her not handling fred right chances r she will get deffencive if she has as much pride as you told us she has. it would probobly be best if she sold fred considering she doesnt know what the heck shes doing and fred is taking the blame pretty much....id suggest she finds a new hobby or listen to other people when they offer advice

[moniexponie]

Stargirl - Here's the thing ... the pony was good for her the first week she had her. But after a month of being dropped on her face the pony just... started stopping. Wouldn't you? I know if I was the pony I would have chucked her a looooong time ago.

And yes, she takes lessons. She just doesn't listen to what our trainer has to say.


Max - I agree.

mhoney05 - GAHHHHH YOU ARE MY HERO. Pahahaha that is basically exactly word for word of what has been going on in my head for the past three days. lmao xD

[bethfornow]

Unfortunatly, I've been in this position.

A girl at my barn bought an very expensive OUTSTANDING western plesure horse and didnt know enough to know how to make him slow down or listen.
The horse was winning EVERY class it entered before she bought it and not it places moderatly. Her family thinks it cause he's gettin old (hes 14) so now the horse gets his hocks injected and chiropractic adjustments every month.

All because a lil girl and her stoubborn parents refuse to listen to her (World Champion) trainer. Unfornutally, you have serious riders who want to improve themselves (I think thats about every body on this site :D ) and those who refuse to accept constructive critcism and will never be the best they can be.

It's probably best that Bob does sell Fred and hopefully Fred will go to a good, responsible rider. May be you?! ;)

[moniexponie]

bethfornow - Yup, sounds just like how it's going on now with Bob. I feel so terrible for her, yet I almost feel worse for Fred, if that is even right. :s

Update -->>

Bob is most likely leaving our barn. :( This makes me incridibly sad, as I really like Bob and we have become very good friends over a very short amount of time. She is selling Fred [I am 99% sure of this] and most likely leaving [about 75% sure of this]. Her mom called my mom and talked to her about it. She said they had been looking at barns and new trainers. So I don't really know how to feel.

I won't have anyone to ride with in the fall if she leaves. The other girl who I ride with is leaving to go to college. So basically I'm all alone. :'(

[cursivenight]

Did they say why they are leaving your trainer and barn?

And I'm alone too...we can be alone together =D

I know its not the same but. I know what it's like, at least you can help out Caroline and Erin and stuff at your barn, and I'm sure your trainer will get new students, and lessons will be rearranged.

Edited To Add:

I'm so sorry...err both Fred and Bob are leaving. -hugs- I loved whichever one was the horse too. <3

[silverleprichuan]

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like Bob has potential but she needs to learn how to accept advice from others. Maybe another barnw ill help her realize the errors of her ways and she will return? It is probably for the best that she is selling Fred, it sounds like he needs a more experienced rider. She might do better on a "point n' shoot" horse while she works on her equitation .

[moniexponie]

Yeah, that's what I'm hoping. Though it isn't likely. Her mother is sort of a definite person, so if they leave its for good. :( :( And she needs that sort of a horse, but her mother believes she is a really good rider, so they will probably get her something with a dynamite jump that is really eager... then the same thing will happen over and over again.

Thanks though Silver. :)

[HorseDayz11]

If she is a friend, you'd think she'd listen to you. Have you tried talking to her about it? I mean, you can try showig her it isn't Fred's fault, by getting two people to ride him in front of her. I don't know, it is just a suggestion. Also, does your mom know something about horses? Sorry if she does, my grandmother doesn't know anything and thinks she does, but that isn't the point.

Anyway, try to get your mom to talk to her mom about the situation. Try getting the mom to see it. I hate moms that are like that and hope I never become one, but when you want your child to be the best, it is what you do I guess.

I hope she doesn't leave for your sake, but if she does sell Fred, it may be for the better. Fred will actually have a rider he can depend on and a better home. I am not saying Bob is making the right decision and coming up with the right solution, but whatever happens, happens. I hope the best for you and her, and hope everything works out.

[bethfornow]

Unfortunatly when a kid like Bob has a mom like that telling her it's the horse in one ear and a trainer and friends telling her it's not the horse but how she's ridding in the other ear, most of the time they listen to the parents.

I mean look at it as if you were that girl. You had your mom, who is your mother and who you've known your whole life, telling you what a wonderful rider you are and that it is the horses fault and that she would find you a better one. And then you have these other people you haven't known very long telling you you need to improve. Who would you believe?????

It's like those girls that walk arround with their noses in the air because all their lives they've been told they're better than every one else. It's not their fault (well not all of it). Its the parents who are to blame.

Sorry for the out burst, I have a MAJOR problem with popular parenting techniques. :o

[moniexponie]

-sigh- I haven't talked to Bob since the show, so I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it. I'm trying to just give her some space. Though, I'm going to call her tomorrow just to see how she is doing. I might not bring it up though. She wasn't at our lesson tonight, so things don't look too good...

Thanks everyone for the advice. :]

[bethfornow]

Cudoos to you for being such a good friend.

[LyteningColt]

what i would do is take her a side and smack her a couple times!! .....nah just kidding tell her how u feel about what she is doin hopefully she will understand.

[alliekk]

I'm sorry to hear that she is leaving, but I agree that maybe it's the best thing. If she isn't willing to listen to what others are trying to tell her to help then it doesn't sound like she has the heart for the event. From the sounds of it, it seems like she's doing it because her mother wants her to.

next time you talk to her, ask her if it is actually what SHE wants and not what her mother wants, you will probably be surprised with her answer.

if she says she does it for herself then you can then tell her that no one is perfect and that maybe sometimes you should try what other people say, just to say you did it. tell her this "you never know unless you try"... those words help sooooo many people. it's too true too! just say it like that and if she is the person I think she is then she will follow your advise...