what do you think?

[RODEOBABE4]

im not that good at writing but i wanted to kno how bad this was...?

ok, here goes


Three Words

As you walk up to me this weird feeling runs through my body. Its kind of like nervousness mixed with curiosity. Was something wrong? Was he moving away? He sits down beside me and wraps me up in his arms. I hold him back, tightly. A minute passes, then two. He lets go and I ask him what that was for. He simply replies, "I love you." It was those three words that told me right then and there that, "Man, this guy is going to be really hard to forget." I hope and pray that i never have to forget him, or try at that matter. He smiles at me and I smile back. I tell him, "Boy, you don't know how hard it is to be caght in between you, this fantasy, and my life, reality. Its like pouring rain back into a cloud, then its all gone. Please, never forget me. I love you sweetheart. I love you..."

so, what do yall think?

[Haley]

I like it, but you seem to shift between past and present tense. :)

[RODEOBABE4]

Yeah i kno.. like i said, im not a very good writer. and plus, thats not the original version, i dont have my book that i had originally wrote it in so i kind of had to make up some things.

[RODEOCHIK4]

the real one is AWESOME!!! it made me cry!!

[moodymare]

That was very well written! Well done! :D

[HorseDayz11]

That was very well written, but I will state again that you did go from past and present tense. I would also try to use a higher level of vocabulary, because this looks like a poem. Or is it? You have repetition as in 'He smiles and I smile back.' I think that was the sentence, anyway, try: He smiles and I begin to blush, my cheeks making that bubble of red and my teeth peeping their way through. I hope that helps you in the future. =]]